Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
