he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
