ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
