Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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