Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You're like the curious george of whores
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
