I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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