I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
