I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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