What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
