At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
