I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
