I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
