You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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