Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
