I cannot find my penis.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I want to make a zoo with you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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