Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
