walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
