Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
well you can't waste a boner
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
