I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
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how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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