Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
