You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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