Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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