i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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