Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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