What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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