the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
