...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
