god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
