No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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