He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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