i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
