Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
