is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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