It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
