Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
