STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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