The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
