I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
