dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
