omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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