Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
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so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow