If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life