Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.