If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
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He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...