Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
zippers are such a cool invention
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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