She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
