im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
