I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
