I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
