Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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