i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
