His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
