I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
