im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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