i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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