Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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