I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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