That's intense
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize