Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
