Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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