Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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