This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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