Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
