You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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